Stormy Inside
Dear Abba,
My mind and my heart is in turmoil. It is stormy inside and I cannot go on without having to sit and talk with you alone. I know that you are here with me. But I chose to be in a place that I love to be, Bintana - this Coffee and Restaurant place that I love because I can be here all alone but with you beside me. Let me tell you what's going on with me.
Firstly, it was July 29, 2016. I remember what I spoke to you that very morning where we always meet at my Veranda. I told you: LORD, let this be a day of redemption. I didn't know how you were going to answer me but I just prayed that out of nowhere. And indeed you did redeem me. The day went by as scheduled. Friday and Jake and I went to the airport in the morning to fetch Marco Victoria, one of our speakers. We ate breakfast at Cafe de France and I had too much pancakes. Thank you for that moment that I was able to do what I always thought of doing every time I pass by in Marina Mall, I wanted to try Cafe de France and I did that day. Jake and I enjoyed our company as brothers and sisters we always do. Then we found out that Marco wasn't arriving that time because he was still in CDO nag la lovelife. It's understandable. But it was causing his loved ones and partners some concerns and worry. Anyway, we had lunch with Laurent in Neo Neo instead. Then finally we went to the InHIM Office. And printed the attendance sheet. Gray rode with me to Bayfront and we settled in, I ate a little dinner at 7eleven and I didn't enjoy it but at least my stomach had something. Then the registration was a bit hectic for me but thank you for Davin and Cheche that were helping me out with Gray in the registration. I wasn't able to listen to the Talk because I was outside but it's okay. Then we paid Bayfront for letting us use their venue. Then we all went out to Zubuchon for dinner. Jake was saying that it was unfair that I already ate dinner by myself and I had to defend that I was needed to be full so I can do my job. Then we surprised Gray with her birthday cake and sang songs to her. Then they asked her to make a birthday wish and unselfishly she said that Christine will have a lovelife and they all started teasing me. And suddenly Marco has this idea to pair me up with Raffy Nene. And they all started teasing me. I enjoyed the way that people especially my inHIM team cared for my love life. So I just went along, until they decided to call Raffy and we spoke for the first time on the phone and he was okay. He added me on facebook right away and sent me a message but I only read it on Saturday morning. I was excited and hopeful, that there's a somebody out there as alone as I am that's been waiting for their life partner. I was excited that Marco would support us all the way and help us to be together. That night I woke up at 2 or 3am and my thoughts were running wild. I had a hard time going back to sleep so I overslept. Remember that? And we had our time as usual. You spoke of Daniel 12: 3 Those who are wise[a] will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever. Give me wisdom I asked, please give me your Holy Spirit. But also I was excited how there were already very many who were talking of pairing me with Raffy. Deedah was the first person who told me about him, apparently the inHIM team had been talking about it and then Marco finally, who acted on what he believed right away. Is this really the man that you prepared for me? I found myself asking. But then looking at the situation and into reality, I realized he couldn't pass my parents approval especially my Mom. That morning after our time together, I found that Raffy had sent me a message the night before so we chatted for a while. But then I had to go meet Dean Pax with Jake so our chat was cut short. I enjoyed my time with the Dean and Analou his assistant. She said she had been asking GOD for a sign regarding a school that she wanted her son to be enrolled. She said I was the answer. The school was Harvest Christian School, I told her I know the owner. She had been worried about that. But I brightened her day for she was so happy to know that I knew the owners and that it was a legitimate school. I didn't do anything much but to her GOD had used me to address her concerns because she was unsure. Maybe I should continually ask You for signs for anything that I am unsure of because you always answer prayers Abba. How easily I forget. So anyway I even went my way to ask Dean about Raffy if he knew him he only said he can't say much because it was a personal question and he only knew him as a TRC Platinum member. The Dean also answered my questions about renewable energy and invited us for a Breakfast meeting at his Hotel the next day. What a privilege! I went home tired, sleepy because I had a stomach problem of indigestion. I felt tired so I slept the whole afternoon, feeling weird. So that night, I asked you regarding Raffy because you always do answer me. I even tossed a coin to make sure I wasn't biased in my asking. The coin tossed a Head, Tail, Head, Tail, Tail, Head, Head, Head. So that was clearly a Head, and a Head meant another man was the one for me and not Raffy. So I fell asleep a little sad but it's okay, it would be better to know now than invest in emotions only to end up hurting. So that Sunday we continued our discussion with Dean and Analou during Breakfast at Marriot. It was a blessed time, we always learn so much from the Dean. I went to the Feast in Parklane and talked to Gray and Joy for a while and how happy they were for me with a "lovelife" I just thank them for the love and support that I get from them because I never get that kind of support from the church that my family attends. I enjoyed worshiping YOU among the congregation of catholics because YOU are there as YOU are at other churches. Sunday afternoon, I fell asleep on the sofa, weird that I felt so tired like that, I guess because the food I ate at 7eleven was not good. Then we went to Lighthouse family to have dinner and then expensive desserts at country mall right after. Monday came rolling in, I was at the Jesus Reigns meeting even though I didn't plan to be there, then I just felt odd being there. I didn't have the same strength and energy to be there that I had the last year. Then I hurriedly went to our InHIM Meeting and they were all teasing me but I just enjoyed their support and love for caring for my love life. But I also felt a mixed emotions. I didn't want Raffy to be led on, like I was being led on and then only to find out he is not the one. I even showed Dean his picture on Sunday and they said he's not the one. I also felt the same because there's just a lot missing, I felt I deserve better. I'm just enjoying people's support for me but I feel very tired, it's like I'm living a lie... I don't want to lead people on because they might be hurt too.
Today I feel even more in chaos because Mom was blaming me for her mistakes. I just felt like running away from home again. I was so distressed that I didn't know where to go for lunch. I had to go in circles before arriving in this place to discuss these issues and feelings with you. I didn't feel like eating lunch so I drank my avocado shake hoping I can hear you more Abba. Help me, I am drowning in my confusion. It's like this feeling that I'm not supposed to be happy that I don't deserve to be happy. Abba heal me. I am so broken, so lost. Find me once again. I think I'm going to crack under pressure please have mercy on me. Lord take me away from this world.
Help me Abba. Please speak and at least smooth out the storm within me. I need to find my peace, did I offend you Abba? Give me back my peace please. Let me right the wrong I am doing so I can have my peace back once again. Help me to trust you with the unknown.
Philippians 4:7
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Thank you Adonai Yeshua, just one touch from you one encounter, one hug is all I need. I need you everyday. I saw you picking me up. I am relieved.... Lord I need to go back to work. Please stay with me. I will go to the Office please help me with accounting work. Please help me.
in Yeshua,
Amen
My mind and my heart is in turmoil. It is stormy inside and I cannot go on without having to sit and talk with you alone. I know that you are here with me. But I chose to be in a place that I love to be, Bintana - this Coffee and Restaurant place that I love because I can be here all alone but with you beside me. Let me tell you what's going on with me.
Firstly, it was July 29, 2016. I remember what I spoke to you that very morning where we always meet at my Veranda. I told you: LORD, let this be a day of redemption. I didn't know how you were going to answer me but I just prayed that out of nowhere. And indeed you did redeem me. The day went by as scheduled. Friday and Jake and I went to the airport in the morning to fetch Marco Victoria, one of our speakers. We ate breakfast at Cafe de France and I had too much pancakes. Thank you for that moment that I was able to do what I always thought of doing every time I pass by in Marina Mall, I wanted to try Cafe de France and I did that day. Jake and I enjoyed our company as brothers and sisters we always do. Then we found out that Marco wasn't arriving that time because he was still in CDO nag la lovelife. It's understandable. But it was causing his loved ones and partners some concerns and worry. Anyway, we had lunch with Laurent in Neo Neo instead. Then finally we went to the InHIM Office. And printed the attendance sheet. Gray rode with me to Bayfront and we settled in, I ate a little dinner at 7eleven and I didn't enjoy it but at least my stomach had something. Then the registration was a bit hectic for me but thank you for Davin and Cheche that were helping me out with Gray in the registration. I wasn't able to listen to the Talk because I was outside but it's okay. Then we paid Bayfront for letting us use their venue. Then we all went out to Zubuchon for dinner. Jake was saying that it was unfair that I already ate dinner by myself and I had to defend that I was needed to be full so I can do my job. Then we surprised Gray with her birthday cake and sang songs to her. Then they asked her to make a birthday wish and unselfishly she said that Christine will have a lovelife and they all started teasing me. And suddenly Marco has this idea to pair me up with Raffy Nene. And they all started teasing me. I enjoyed the way that people especially my inHIM team cared for my love life. So I just went along, until they decided to call Raffy and we spoke for the first time on the phone and he was okay. He added me on facebook right away and sent me a message but I only read it on Saturday morning. I was excited and hopeful, that there's a somebody out there as alone as I am that's been waiting for their life partner. I was excited that Marco would support us all the way and help us to be together. That night I woke up at 2 or 3am and my thoughts were running wild. I had a hard time going back to sleep so I overslept. Remember that? And we had our time as usual. You spoke of Daniel 12: 3 Those who are wise[a] will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever. Give me wisdom I asked, please give me your Holy Spirit. But also I was excited how there were already very many who were talking of pairing me with Raffy. Deedah was the first person who told me about him, apparently the inHIM team had been talking about it and then Marco finally, who acted on what he believed right away. Is this really the man that you prepared for me? I found myself asking. But then looking at the situation and into reality, I realized he couldn't pass my parents approval especially my Mom. That morning after our time together, I found that Raffy had sent me a message the night before so we chatted for a while. But then I had to go meet Dean Pax with Jake so our chat was cut short. I enjoyed my time with the Dean and Analou his assistant. She said she had been asking GOD for a sign regarding a school that she wanted her son to be enrolled. She said I was the answer. The school was Harvest Christian School, I told her I know the owner. She had been worried about that. But I brightened her day for she was so happy to know that I knew the owners and that it was a legitimate school. I didn't do anything much but to her GOD had used me to address her concerns because she was unsure. Maybe I should continually ask You for signs for anything that I am unsure of because you always answer prayers Abba. How easily I forget. So anyway I even went my way to ask Dean about Raffy if he knew him he only said he can't say much because it was a personal question and he only knew him as a TRC Platinum member. The Dean also answered my questions about renewable energy and invited us for a Breakfast meeting at his Hotel the next day. What a privilege! I went home tired, sleepy because I had a stomach problem of indigestion. I felt tired so I slept the whole afternoon, feeling weird. So that night, I asked you regarding Raffy because you always do answer me. I even tossed a coin to make sure I wasn't biased in my asking. The coin tossed a Head, Tail, Head, Tail, Tail, Head, Head, Head. So that was clearly a Head, and a Head meant another man was the one for me and not Raffy. So I fell asleep a little sad but it's okay, it would be better to know now than invest in emotions only to end up hurting. So that Sunday we continued our discussion with Dean and Analou during Breakfast at Marriot. It was a blessed time, we always learn so much from the Dean. I went to the Feast in Parklane and talked to Gray and Joy for a while and how happy they were for me with a "lovelife" I just thank them for the love and support that I get from them because I never get that kind of support from the church that my family attends. I enjoyed worshiping YOU among the congregation of catholics because YOU are there as YOU are at other churches. Sunday afternoon, I fell asleep on the sofa, weird that I felt so tired like that, I guess because the food I ate at 7eleven was not good. Then we went to Lighthouse family to have dinner and then expensive desserts at country mall right after. Monday came rolling in, I was at the Jesus Reigns meeting even though I didn't plan to be there, then I just felt odd being there. I didn't have the same strength and energy to be there that I had the last year. Then I hurriedly went to our InHIM Meeting and they were all teasing me but I just enjoyed their support and love for caring for my love life. But I also felt a mixed emotions. I didn't want Raffy to be led on, like I was being led on and then only to find out he is not the one. I even showed Dean his picture on Sunday and they said he's not the one. I also felt the same because there's just a lot missing, I felt I deserve better. I'm just enjoying people's support for me but I feel very tired, it's like I'm living a lie... I don't want to lead people on because they might be hurt too.
Today I feel even more in chaos because Mom was blaming me for her mistakes. I just felt like running away from home again. I was so distressed that I didn't know where to go for lunch. I had to go in circles before arriving in this place to discuss these issues and feelings with you. I didn't feel like eating lunch so I drank my avocado shake hoping I can hear you more Abba. Help me, I am drowning in my confusion. It's like this feeling that I'm not supposed to be happy that I don't deserve to be happy. Abba heal me. I am so broken, so lost. Find me once again. I think I'm going to crack under pressure please have mercy on me. Lord take me away from this world.
Help me Abba. Please speak and at least smooth out the storm within me. I need to find my peace, did I offend you Abba? Give me back my peace please. Let me right the wrong I am doing so I can have my peace back once again. Help me to trust you with the unknown.
Philippians 4:7
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Thank you Adonai Yeshua, just one touch from you one encounter, one hug is all I need. I need you everyday. I saw you picking me up. I am relieved.... Lord I need to go back to work. Please stay with me. I will go to the Office please help me with accounting work. Please help me.
in Yeshua,
Amen
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